I’ll stay aside, and meet you in my dreams…

I see the need to put both the link of the live version and the subbed version. Listening to this song, with the subtitles, brings back a lot of sad, sour, sweet, bitter memories.
Have you ever liked a person but never told the person about it?
Have you every looked at someone from afar and dare not go near?
Have you ever smile to yourself when the person you secretly like compliment you?
Have you ever held the person’s hand and feel the warmth but you know you’d never have a chance again?
Have you ever…

We met 6 years ago, I secretly liked him but never had the courage to tell him. We were once close because of various events, I had a chance to hold his hand, I sat beside him for performances (including rehearsals). He said many good things to me, and I will feel happy for days or months because of that. I liked him but never told him. The girl beside him changed at a rate I never will understand. To him, I was just a junior, but to me, he was someone so great. I felt sad seeing him and his girlfriend together, and I hoped I was the one beside him. Yet, him smiling at me when he walks past me could make me forget about everything and be happy for one whole day. But later we became further apart, because he was no longer my CCA senior. We still see each other in school, but it became awkward. My last best memory of him is performance last year, because he came back to be stage crew. That was probably how I survived my entire day preparing for performance until evening for the real stage. I may not have that much feelings for him at that point of time, but he was still the person I’ve liked for so long, the person I’ve imagined myself to be with, the person that could make my day great. Now that he’s graduated, I don’t see him anymore, but I will always remember him, for he is probably the first person I seriously liked, and for so long…
It has been long since I thought of him, but this song, SHINee’s aside brings back those memories… Hope he is doing fine, and hopefully one day when I meet him on the streets I can say ‘hi’ and maybe say ‘you know, I secretly liked you back then…’

It’s amazing how songs can touch something deep inside my heart. I thought I buried it well, but anytime, anyhow, I may just be reminded of some things when listening to a song. I like the feeling, how I can relate a song to myself, and what I experienced. SHINee’s songs are great, and I love them all, from Dream Girl to Aside, to I can’t leave… Their songs have a soul in them, a soul that is able to reach into my heart.

I can’t leave you…

Short and quick post. ^^

SHINee – I can’t leave you
I’ve always loved sad love songs, and that’s why I really love this song. Not that I know so much about love, because I’ve never really gone through any real relationship. But I always love how smoothing sad love songs can get, I love the tune, I love how the lyrics can suit the tune so much… And with Onew’s extremely sweet and soft voice… Jonghyun’s powerful but extremely sad-sounding voice… Key’s voice’s description have never been in the range of my vocabulary… But it is really rare to hear Key sing in such smoothing and peaceful voice, and it truly touched my heart… Minho with his deep voice as usual, I always like how his voice is always deeper than the others in the chorus part… Taemin really has the soft yet different from the kind of voice Onew has… It’s a different kind of softness. Sometimes I would prefer Taemin’s voice, but most of the time Onew’s voice will be the one I want to hear when I close my eyes and rest. The 5 members of SHINee have such different voices but they still match one another really well in a song like that. I like the fact that I can tell each of their voice once I hear them, I like how their voices are so different yet similar… I am not a pro in interpreting voices or whatsoever, these are just my opinions.
As I’ve said, I don’t know much about love, but this song is still able to touch my heart. I would say I know a little bit about how it feels like to have a broken heart, but not much, so I actually don’t have much understanding about love songs. But the tune, the lyrics with the tune, and their voices came zooming to my heart. I guess good tune, good lyrics and good voices add together to make a good song. However, after I started listening to Kpop, lyrics doesn’t matter that much because the first time I listen, I probably do not know the meaning. That’s when I came to realise, it’s actually how the lyrics suit the tune that matters…
Okay, enough of me talking, and I have to get some sleep. Goodnight~

In your Dreams~

Totally in LOVE with the dance, I AM DETERMINED TO LEARN THIS! Oh my…
Talking about dance, I just tried 24/7 and I like a crazy after 3 rounds. Haven’t been exercising since I fell sick during CNY. I should continue with 24/7 and TRY DREAM GIRL DANCE! But, I need to get a stick that stand! RARR!

This is my favourite song of the album! ^^ I love how they made each of the members sing the part that suits them most! YAY!

Waiting for the day my dad goes on his business trip to South Korea~ I feel so jealous that he have been to the country of my dreams for so many times and I can’t even go! Not for once, because of all the exams and studying. T^T This year must past fast~ So that I can quickly get rid of A levels and fly around~~ Asia… Not aiming that far, I am just going to fly around Asia! ^^ MY DAD MUST GO SOON! SO THAT HE CAN GET ME AN ALBUM!! But on the other hand I hope he will go when chapter 2: the misconception of me comes out cause I am actually more interested in that album… Though they are the same, but they are different… Okay… I WANT BOTH. Opps greedy me! And hopefully he will be able to get the album. I TRUST HIM! YAY!

Our happiness was not to be, until our minds could be free…

The past week may be the worst week of my life. The feeling you get when the whole world turns against you. The feeling you get when the whole world misunderstands you. The feeling you get when your friends are leaving you. The feeling you get when a bomb strikes you when you thought that was the safest place of all. I experienced these feelings and many more just during that week.
The incident, is something I will never forget all my life. I know I was not completely in the right from the start. In fact I made a big mistake by letting out my anger to the chairpersons in front of some classmates. And that made more people misunderstand me instead of try to share my feelings. It was originally only between my friend and I and the chairpersons. But then the chairpersons made a decision we did not know of that put us in a situation that it was because of us that the whole class had to change. But in fact we didn’t know of it until we saw it ourselves. Then later the matter was brought up to make sure there is “open communication” in our class. And that made things worse. The whole class thought we were just unreasonable and was annoyed with us. But in fact I just wanted people to know I didn’t want to make the class change for us. My friend continued to argue with the chairpersons while I kept quiet. Not that I had nothing to say, but because I was crying. In the end it turned out like a fight between the 2 of us and several of our classmates. Even some of our friends were not helping us. While some friends tried to smooth things out but to no avail. I wanted to tell my friend, who was arguing to stop, but a part of me didn’t and couldn’t, because I secretly hoped that my classmates may understand how we or rather I felt throughout this whole incident. To them, we just look like selfish, self-centred, unreasonable peeps. But in fact I didn’t mean that way, I didn’t want my class to change for me, I didn’t want to cause everyone the trouble, but at the same time, I didn’t want my friend to be alone. So I sort of backed her up, and we’re one a lonely island. At the end, my teacher had to step in and solve it. She said she was disappointed cause we are like in the last year of high school, and she thought we’d have the maturity to solve this as a class. But no, when the class is full of people who will side their friends and never consider others, it is not going to solve anything.
I guess this incident told me to recognise my weakness, and recognise my friends. Of course, I can’t choose my classmates, but I can try my best to avoid clashes and get on with life. Through this, I think I’ve grown up a little. I start to see things differently, I start to understand what is the feeling of being standing against the world. And most importantly, I now understand how it is like, to be bitched about. (Thanks to the cyberworld with easily accessible Twitter…) And this brings me to the above videos by bubzbeauty.
Bubz is a cheerful girl, and she has been my role model ever since I started following her videos. And I’ve watched the videos before when it came out, and now I find that these videos will help me get over this matter. Not forget it, but get over it.
Girl Drama, may be a suitable term to describe this because, our class of 18 people, has only 3 guys. 15 girls… And this incident did involve the guys, but that did not help much.
I liked it when she said: “you could be hated for the exact same reason you’re loved”. So why question yourself when someone misunderstands you? Accept that not everyone is going to like you. Yes, I do not need to earn likeness from my classmates. They can misunderstand me for the rest of the year but I shouldn’t care less. I shouldn’t let what other people think of me make me seem weak, vulnerable. I want to stay strong, till the end, I want to be able to take negative comments and tell myself that’s what they think ’cause they don’t know me.
Do I really have time for this?
People are always gonna judge. Do I need everybody’s approval to be happy?
People like to assume. Does it mean it’s always true?
Do I want to be a petty person?
Is this even a real problem?
Bubz made me reflect on myself. And I got my answers to these questions. All I actually need is to put all these at the back of my mind, free myself from all the negative thoughts. I shall do myself a favour to forgive them (not forget because I have my lessons to learn from this incident), and I will just do this in my head, this will give me a little peace.
Our happiness was not to be, until our minds could be free…
Bubz mentioned, many people think happiness is associated with a reason. But, actually, happiness can be very simple. Self pity won’t help at all. Free yourself. Through your complaining, blaming and shame, you are responsible for your own unhappiness. Worrying is like a rocking chair, it takes up a lot of energy, but it doesn’t get you anywhere. It’s time to accept, and move on. If you don’t like anything, change it; if you can’t change it, change your attitude.
“Your thoughts become your words,
your words become your actions,
your actions become your habits,
your habits become your character,
and your character becomes your destiny”
After this incident, I think I will change. I used to be a person who bitch about others too, because I am the one who is insecure, not confident, jealous, and many more… But now, I’m going to tell myself that I am not going to be that anymore. I want to be a happy girl, and the route to happiness isn’t going to be filled with bitching, backstabbing, jealousy… It should be filled with meaningful things I do everyday. Time spent with my family, my friends, working hard for my CCA in the next and last competition, studying and I am considering giving back to the community(but I came to realise finding a place isn’t an easy task at all). I should make my life more meaningful, and at the end of the day I will be the one who benefit from all these.
Happiness comes that easily, with the teaser of SHINee’s Dream Girl!!

Happy Lunar New Year!

This is actually the time of the year that I get to take a long break (sort of)… And I was sick… I didn’t get to post much the last week cause I had a CNY performance and it got me into loads of rehearsals… But it was that great to be able to preview the hip-hop group’s performance, and not to forget, the GREAT WUSHU~ Regret not filming it down but never mind~ My dear friend who is a great fan of our school’s wushu team did it for me anyway (just that the Bluetooth took ages so we gave up and I have to pass her a thumbdrive when we go back to school again). And then after that, I got sick. Waking up with a bad sore throat and kept drinking water, just to realise it really doesn’t help. Swallowing water was actually more painful than eating solid food. But anyways, I didn’t bother about that and enjoyed my ‘reunion’ lunch/dinner with just me and my parents. We like to combine meals on weekends cause it is too tiring to cook. And my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles) is not in Singapore. Looks forward to next year, where I will be spending CNY with my family in a snowy place~~ I would like to step outside in the snow on the day of CNY, at 12am. Provided I don’t get sick again. And back to my sore throat, my dad bought Chinese medicine and after finishing a third of each bottle, my sore throat was gone the next day. WOW power! But there come flu and block nose. But that didn’t stop me from going downstairs to take loads of photos, cause my parents wanted to, and cause it was CNY. And really, I didn’t smile at all in those photos. Aww. Then when we got back home and I took my medicine and ZZZZZZZ slept. Later at night I got better but I was still slacking. Then the next day, which is today, I am totally in the recovering phase already. WOW, I feel so proud of myself to be able to recover so quick, but at the same time I was like, NOO!! I WANT TO SKIP PE ON WED! Let’s see if this cough and block nose can last till then. So today I did a little bit of studying, I should have done more, but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. And then just now, I finished my usual Monday show~~ RUNNING MAN!

Oh my~ These people are just too cute. From the start when they say Gary will be the spy I was like OH NO, because kookie and Ace will definitely win. But in the end kwang soo was very smart in making kookie out!! Haha! Didn’t even expect that. That was really cool~~

JoonSeo, will your lives ever cross again?

Today, 2nd February, the last episode of YeonSeo couple is going to be aired. I want to deny this fact, but I can’t.
I started watching WGM for the first time in June2012 for Khuntoria, and I really love their interactions and all. I paid attention to the WGM couples after them and I followed Teuksora couple. They were definitely cute and all that, but it was really sad when they left cause LeeTeuk had to go to army. Then I had my end of year examinations (around Sept-oct) so I stopped watching anything. Then later, I started watching WGM again, mostly because of Kwanghee. And I did like Sunhwa so I kept watching. And eventually I noticed JoonSeo… And I was like OH MY GOSH, WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE. That was the Halloween episode because before that I only watched Sunhee couple. So I watched the front episodes of JoonSeo and I could say I really like this couple. And of course, I started finding out about MBLAQ too. I like the couple, and I like the group… And yet… This unpredictable unpleasant incident happened.
The scandal… In this entertainment industry, there are many made-up scandals that are used to hide something or promote something or maybe for other reasons… But some scandals just make things really bad, and artistes may feel hurt. In this case, it is. When I read about it on allkpop, there are many comments about how Yeonseo was in the wrong blah blah blah… And to me, I was like.. Those few photos don’t mean a thing! And which artiste in the right man does this kind of things in public? I don’t know. At least it just didn’t sound right to me. I know Lee Joon probably have a larger fanbase than Oh Yeonseo which may imply that people who watch their WGM are mostly Joon’s fans. (I am not so sure, but it seem like this to me…) And obviously the fans will stand by their idol. And this, definitely will result in people hurting Yeonseo.
For me, because I liked both of them after I watched their WGM, I liked them the same. Just that Joon brought me into MBLAQ (but my bias is Mir… so…). I want them to know that even if the scandal broke out, I supported them. But I dare not take the risk of being bashed by other fans out there… I guess for this matter Joon will be hurt, but what about Yeonseo? I guess the stress she has to handle is going to be more than Joon’s, but apparently not many cared for her. Then I saw one of the comments say JoonSeo’s WGM will end soon, with excuse of busy schedules… And then it happened for real… No matter how much I wanted them to stay, they will have to leave. But I guess I will always wait for the day they reunite, even if it is almost impossible…
A idol/singer and an actress? Will their lives cross again? If LeeJoon ever happens to film a drama with YeonSeo, will they be the lead characters? I doubt so… And like that, their lives will never cross, becasue it is impossible for YeonSeo to be on a music show, neither it is possible for LeeJoon to take a minor character in YeonSeo’s drama. And with that, my hope on this couple… is lost. It’s a sad case isn’t it? I mean my beloved Khuntoria/YongSeo will still meet on music shows if they happen to comeback at the same time, which just happened to SNSD and CNBLUE. And JoonSeo is a total different case.
Hopefully, one day… I will be able to see JoonSeo again… And cheer along with all the JoonSeo fans…

Haters will hate, lovers will love…

I don’t know if people still remember I said something like I’ll talk about the hating issue in the next post and my next post never really existed. I found out I didn’t have the time on Monday to write another post since I had to do a History assignment (which apparently the teacher didn’t bother to collect so I did it for nothing).
Here goes… Haters will hate. And I do understand why. But what I don’t and never will understand is the way they show their hate. Because that really don’t/rarely happen or occur to me and my friends.
I wanted to write about an issue on one of the kpop groups but as I wrote I realise it was hard for me to link to this haters hate thing. So maybe I will not write about that afterall…
So, this thing about haters is that, I used to be one. I used to be a hater of kpop. Don’t bash me, cause I am not the usual haters you see on youtube/allkpop/other kpop sites that go around spreading negative comments about other artistes. Because I hated kpop as a whole. I don’t know why. Maybe because I was so sad about mandopop being dominated by the raising trend of kpop, that my sadness turned into anger towards kpop. And my stand was, all kpop artistes are not talented, they only have looks. Once again, don’t bash me… BECAUSE I HAVE MY REASONS…
One may be because of a friend… I am not saying I blame this friend because the final decision was in me to hate on kpop. My friend talked about kpop artistes like they got NOTHING good at all. Absolutely nothing… Because she has her strong stand that kpop was really nothing. And so because of that, my impression about kpop was, BAD BAD BAD… And later, I see more and more juniors/friends loving kpop and less people liking mandopop, which made my impression of kpop become worse. Eventually, I started hating on kpop. And, talking about me hating kpop, I talk about this hate only to my friend (the friend who influenced me) and no one else.
And two (if you recall, I said reasons…) is that because of the mindset I have that kpop artistes are only LOOKS… I didn’t bother watching/listening/reading about kpop, I knew almost nothing about it. Except that the taiwan variety show that I liked did have many kpop special feature, like dance competition using kpop songs etc… And that was when I knew about Ring Ding Dong and Lucifer. (Even though they did have cuts of SHINee MV when they introduce the songs, I paid no attention cause I only like my taiwan artistes…) And, though I say I hated kpop, I liked Kdramas… I watched Princess Hours and Boys Over Flowers (as I’ve said, I did find who the singers of Stand By Me was, but paid no attention) then, since they were broadcasted on TV.
And so, I hated kpop. But now looking back, I guess that wasn’t hate, that was just the stubborn me not accepting this whole kpop thing. And if you were to compare me and the “haters” out there… Those are visible haters that actually HAVE PLENTY OF KNOWLEDGE about kpop and hate kpop and make negative comments on kpop. Which was totally opposite of me who had little idea about kpop and I only talk about it to my friend, not openly on youtube/kpop related sites. I mean it is so unreasonable to me that people go and find out about kpop, read it/watch it/listen to it and then hate on it. You get what I mean? If someone don’t like one thing, shouldn’t it make more sense that the person wants to have absolutely no connection to it? Like me to kpop then… That brings me back to my point, I don’t understand those actions of the haters, by that I mean the spreading/badmouthing about kpop. If you really really need an example, recently, SNSD’s “new” but old song Dancing Queen came out and at first many made comments about how it was actually Mercy… And I was like, PLEASE… ANYONE WILL KNOW IT IS MERCY, unless the person didn’t know anything about English songs. And IT WAS NO COPY, because SMTOWN WILL NOT TAKE THAT RISK to copy. And anyone who have any knowledge about the entertainment industry, there are remix/remake of songs everywhere. Like Japanese song to Chinese song/ Korean song to Chinese song/ whatsoever. SO IT WAS REALLY COMMON. And the truth was SM did buy the copyright of the song. And it was filmed in 2008. And there are people going around doubting it, or saying that it sounds bad/not as good as the original. And this made me rather mad. Firstly, I was so sure it was in 2008 after I saw a comment suggesting this because of the hairstyle. And then, it is a good song. And if you don’t like it, just simple don’t watch it. You don’t need to replay the song to find where it sounds not so great and pick on it, right? I hope I am making sense, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore…
Also, I have this urge to slap people every time people talk bad about couple shippers. I will consider myself as a total khuntoria and goguma shipper. And I do like jongkey, 2min, onbom, and SHINee5 (I wish you get what I mean, cause I don’t want to write OT5, since that will mean a shipping). First let me talk about WGM. Every couple have their fanbase/shippers. And as a fan, I do wish that the onscreen couples will be together offscreen. But inside of me, I do know it is impossible. But still I have this wish, and I hope that my wish is truth. And then there is another group of people who are fans of the individual idols (and their group) and are not in favour of the couple thing. And then the fight between this 2 groups go on and on and on. Fans don’t consider shippers as fans (that was the obvious conclusion I got from seeing many youtube video of goguma talking about seohyun going to blue night concert) And then the fight starts. And I came across one comment that goes like this: Love Light is a special song to gogumas so it should be fine to make comments on this song/vid in favour of this couple. I agree with that. Love Light and Banmal Song, at least, should be an area for gogumas to make their comments etc. And for fans, they can choose to ignore or accept, but not make a big fuss that we shouldn’t be talking about goguma on a cnblue video. And since I bring this up… To be honest, it was goguma couple that made me fans of both SNSD and CNBLUE. Okay, to start with, I was a SMTOWN love, so SNSD was included, but my love for them wasn’t as much. And also, after WGM, I started to listen to more CNBLUE songs. And especially with their newest comeback… I really love the interactions they had lately. (I watched their WGM during DEC2012) That, I call myself a fan, not a SONE nor a BOICE, but just a fan of the two groups. I listen to their songs, watch their variety shows, but that’s about it. I don’t put them as my wallpaper or check every update about them etc. And yet, those who call themselves their fan don’t welcome the couple shippers into the family. And this is what I call a sad case, because my belief is that kpop is a family itself.

I guess I’ve got enough talking about haters, so now on to the lovers love part. Before that, I must say how did I turn from a hater to a lover. Because of class reshuffling, I wasn’t that close with the friend who influenced me. Then that was the period my mum was into a miotv channel ONE(onetvasia) which actually shows alot of SBS drama/variety. And my mum was so into watching kpop star then, so I watched with her sometimes. Also, running man was on that channel, and I started watching it. Then, I heard from some friends about hello baby, and that the show is really cute. Which is how the journey to SHINee really started. I kind of mixed up the order, but I believe I watched hello baby before SHINee’s Sherlock comeback. And that became the first kpop song I love/listen/dance. And I tracked my youtube channel, it says I suscribed to SMTOWN only around May2012. And that was after me liking plenty of SHINee’s Sherlock performances and I actually watched Yunhanam (that was after hello baby) already. And that’s when I started following SHINee, and loving kpop. So, there, here I am now, a SHINee and kpop lover. I believe that lovers will always love and that kpop is a big family. Real lovers will not hate, and family definitely will not hate one another. Which is why I never ever openly make a negative comment about others. And I will defend my idols if people say bad things about them. Though I rarely do that online, that actually happens more between me and my friend(not the one who influenced me). She do like SHINee, but of course we have different bias. Other than that she’s probably a TVXQ supporter and 2pm supporter? And apparently we fit each other really well because she likes Yunho and I like Changmin… But that’s not the point. She have her dislikes towards female idols, and she don’t like girls who act like guys etc. Maybe by now you probably know who I’m always defending… But well… I always tell her, NO SHE ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK etc… But that won’t stop her disliking, neither will it stop me from liking. And we are like any other friends who do get angry at each other or fight, but at the end of the day, we are still friends. We respect each other’s liking and preferences, though we try to convince each other about our own points of view, but we know we can’t force so we know where to stop at. She don’t go around youtube videos and comment that so so so is so ugly/ I don’t like so so so. I know it’s a free and open place for everyone to post comments, but if you don’t like it, why are you here in the first place? I always have this question to haters… Which kind of never have been answered because I don’t communicate with those haters…
And as I’ve said, lovers will always love, because we focus much on the love part rather than put our effort to hate on others. And this is what I call the kpop family.

Ohmy, such a messy post, my thoughts are everywhere, hopefully people don’t bash me. ^^